For a moment I started to forget my place in things.

To get ideas above my station. Be arrogant as you say.

To believe I could be loved. What a fool!

I started to think I might achieve something. That I might be a good person.

I even believed, for a while, I’d achieve something worthwhile. Maybe be useful. Maybe make the world a little better in some small way.

Thank god I’ve realised I was just kidding myself. Thank god I know I’m no one.

Thank god, the relief is fantastic. Just be the piece of shit you told me I am.

You’re right. You should have hit me harder, beaten all trace of hope out of me. It would have saved me from myself.

You were right, Dad. I’m nothing.

You win.

I go Into The Black when I can’t live in this world.

When here is too much and there too far to get to. There within reach, yet so far out if reach.

There, not here that is embossed with lilies gilded in black. A promise of hope shattered with black. There where the freedom lies. Here freedom is a lie.

A lie seducing with hope, false promises of a better day.

Here where I dream that nothingness might join me, caress me until dawn rises without me. Free, free from here, from there, from the pain.

Death so I might rise again.

A Kiss.

A kiss is what I crave.

Your kiss is what I desire.

Could your kiss meet more than my lips?

Could your kiss open me,open me absolutely that I might melt?

Could your kiss bring you? Would you come too? You.
All of you?

Would your kiss bring you,your grief,your ecstasy,your soul and sweep my with you?

And would you dare to kiss me,to kiss all of me that I might surrender?
Surrender all of me to you.
My vulnerability,my hopes,my desire. Would your kiss be a promise of truth?

Would it?
Because I will not

take
another
lie.

Would your kiss,my kiss,our kiss hold the promise? Keep the invitation to share our truths,however dark,in deepest reverence,with absolute tenderness?

Would your kiss hold my heart?
Would you allow my kiss to hold yours?

Could I surrender to your kiss,would you surrender to mine?

Now,

Now,can I kiss you?