I haven’t written for quite a while and a huge part has been because I don’t want to jinx things and a very unhealthy dose of paranoia. Paranoia that someone from customs etc might see my blog and say…no,we don’t want his kind in our country.

Utterly insane but I’m pretty sure I’ve not written I’m sane. And also a testament to how there is still a belief good things don’t happen to me. Yet this is changing as is the thinking behind it. I know there’s a lot of heartbreak and data that could be used to support this if I focus on this. Yet I’m choosing to change this and remember the good stuff. To dare to believe good stuff happens to me.

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‘One day the symptoms fade. Think I’ll throw these pills away.
And if hope could grow from dirt like me. It can be done.

Won’t let the light escape from me.
Won’t let the darkness swallow me.’

The truth is good things do and are happening to me,with me.

Right now I’m sat in The Sheraton in Phoenix,Arizona. This part of the world is is a favourite having visited a couple of times 14/15 years ago. I’d forgotten how much I love this part of the world…the people,the food,the art,the land,the desert. I’m seeing Pearl Jam tomorrow nigh here. A dream come true to travel seeing the band.

And I’ve even got a date tonight. That’s pretty damn exciting too.

I feel a surge of energy that quakes inside if I let it rather than shake it away in fear,in disbelief.

So,I am loving now. So much,loving myself now and giving myself the gift of a dream come true. And when I be with this I can feel a wash of worthiness flow through me,a flow of trust,of belief.

It’s a good road I’m travelling.

If hope can grow from dirt like me…well,it is growing in me,I’m believing less I’m dirt. And I can’t wait to hear them play this on this trip. Man,I hope they do,it’s become a bit of an anthem for me when I’ve been struggling recently.

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